Oi, Chas you old tosspot!
How the devil are you? What's with all this double barrelled moniker nonsense? Charles Palmer-White? A three barrelled fiction methinks. Does your poor old Mum know that you purloined her surname? LOL. You were always good old Chas White when we used to down the old snakebite together. Remember Lovelips Lil? 'Cor blimey what a gal!
And what do you mean rude? I have always been the nicest of people with the sweetest of temperaments. It was hardly my fault you were so slow that you couldn’t dodge the odd bar stool thrown in jest, you should have ducked old mate!
The biz with Maybelline was no kerfuffle at all, that was just foreplay! You should see her now herding chickens with all the skills of a drill major.
Andrew Oldham-Philips? Rotten egg that one! Hate the man. The horror bats for the other side; more camp than a row of tents. I will never forget that incident in the shower. All I did was to bend over to retrieve the soap and before I could shout Be Bop a Flippin’ Lula the swine slid over like a cat on Vaseline. I had haemorrhoids for weeks after that!
As for musical differences old bean; the differences we had were these: I had good taste while you didn’t! LOL. Bet you listen to Shostabloodykovitch. Still, I always was the refined one of the group wasn't I?
Only teasing my old mate, only teasing.
We did have a few laughs though didn't we? Remember Blackpool pier 1972? The jellied eels and the fig leaf dancer? Never knew women could shake like that.
I am available for get-togethers any day except Friday when I have to service the goat. (No, not Maybelline).
Yours in temperance and whiskey,