Dearest Derek and Cheeky Charlie (sorry Charles),
So then, my return to the scene causes Charles some trepidation does it?
Let me reassure you that all my intentions are good. Of course I remember the Chainsaw Juggler and I admit that was my mistake. As for the S&M Stripper well, that was an embarrassment to all of us. My mother never could hold her liquor. Won’t happen again old chums on my word of honour. (R.I.P).
I had forgotten about Elizabeth and Charles, so apologies there old son. Elizabeth was a lovely girl. I know she meant a lot to you. I always thought she was just like rhubarb and custard - a little tart (not ‘arf) but sweeter and a divine nibble too! Have to say though that I never quite understood why she smoked that yellowing meerschaum?
Still, all water under the bridge now so let us put those days behind us.
Onwards and upwards as they say.
And of course you are right re: Andrew Oldham-Philips. After the shower debacle I chased him round the grounds of that old Manor house with a large tub of lard and some chickens feathers. Caught the blighter to. I don’t think he ever forgave me so I think it best if you deal with the old flower.
Choppy waters? Not me mate. A yacht that glides on a placid lake me. All this country air does wonders for your equilibrium (not to mention your functions). I am a reformed character.
Still, have to go now as I am brewing some Potcheen and the boiler is fit to bursting (but enough of Maybelline)!
Tiddly Pom for now!