To Know, Know, Know Her...

Chas!

I have to call you that as I can’t get used to Charles. My ex- wife had a poodle called Charles that used to climb into bed with us. Then one morning, well I was half asleep… anyway best not go into that now. Talking of my ex – you may remember her. Her name is Brenda but I don’t remember her ever being called The Blower! And I don’t know what you mean when you say the band “knew” her. She was a one-guy woman. And you never had a scene with her! You wish!

The champagne is proper champagne and hasn’t got anything to do with radishes. I’ve emailed the company and they’re going to send us a crate. They make it in Norfolk. It sounds great.

I thought you had the master tapes. If not we’ll have to try and trace that Phil guy. I agree he was a complete tosser. Last I heard he was in prison for shooting his girlfriend. And, by the way, we both wrote Pink Dog. I remember it well. It was after that gig in Wales somewhere. The one where you had to go the A and E. We were visiting you in hospital the next day and had to help you to the toilet. I had my notebook and we wrote the lyrics then. Stinky Bog it was originally. But we changed it to Pink Dog. You must remember.

If we can’t find the tapes I guess we could re-record it. Maybe you could try and find the Phil guy and also have a word with your agent. He might know what to do. And we must track down the rest of the band.

Isn't it fantastic being in contact again after all these years?

Be cool

Derek

A Day in the Lift

Derek

With regard to the Pink Kangaroo drink or whatever it is to be called - do we really want to be associated with what sounds to be a non-starter? Radish Flavoured? JEEEEZUZ.
Also which lyrics are they planning to change - I hope it's not my line about "10,000 dogs in Bradford Yorkshire" - a bit of a double edged classic I do believe! In reference to that, the blonde girl I used to "knock around with" as you put it, in fact went to work for Kleinstein so it could have been her you were talking to! I am surprised that you got the impression that she was "a bit of a goer" as you so delicately phrased it - she told me that she "batted for the other side" and was not interested in men. I had much more luck with Brenda The Blower - you remember you used to write poems to her and as I remember was pretty smitten by her - ask the others, they all knew her quite well!


Shall we just drop the harmonica thing - I still have a nasty taste in my mouth about that incident.


Anyway what's the next move with the song and more importantly what about the money? Have you heard from any of the others? Hopefully not. On thinking about it, I am sure the master tapes were left with that Producer guy Phil something - you know - he was the one that kept on trying to get all his mates and girlfriends into the studio (at our expense) to bang tambourines, triangles, trays and teapots and do backing vocals. He was always trying to convince us that we needed a big sound. I remember the fiasco when he tried to get us to record with his entourage at that shopping centre - "Mall of Sound" - my foot! The Hammond organ got stuck in the lift and every two minutes there'd be Security to Level 4 please... or somesuch announcement. Anyway I am sure he had the master tapes and indeed the Peruvian Nose Flute and the 17-stringed Gourd that we used in ground breaking fashion on that very song Pink Dog, which I actually think was one of my best solo efforts..

Yours in music and royalties,
Charles.

The Hair of the Dog

Hi Chas… er, I mean Charles. Well actually they’re interested in Pink Dog, which you and I co-wrote. They want to change the words though. It’s for a non-alcoholic champagne called Radish. Or Kangaroo. Or maybe it's pink something... that would make sense. Actually I’ve forgotten. I’ve got the email somewhere.

I called Mr Kleinstein but his secretary wasn’t very bright. I tried to explain who I was but she said Mr Kleinstein had never heard of me, which isn't true. I think there was a party going on. Lots of people were laughing in the background.

I said I was sorry about the mouth harp incident. The bowl had been cleaned out since Trevor died. And I thought water improved a mouth harp's tone.

BTW Whatever happened to that blond bird you used to knock around with. The one with the big... well... you know. She was a goer wasn't she?

Give me a ring. I’m still at the old place.

Derek.

Get Off Of My Cloud!!!

Derek,
I assume it is one of my songs that they are interested in? They were the ones with the memorable hooks. If so please put them in touch with my lawyer, Al Kleinstein. He's still at the Blind Beggar along the Old Kent Road.

Which song is it that they are interested in anyway? And who has got the master tapes? Or is this just a ruse to get the band together to re-record in order to satisfy your seemingly insatiable desire to keep re-visiting the past. I still have the emotional scars from some of the seedier incidents from the band's past. Who can forget the harmonica in the fishtank incident, my cassette player that you threw from the B&B window, the post-gig party (ha!) at the Alhambra Curry Bistro, the map-reading fiasco, the "misunderstanding" regarding the backing singers, the "Butler" incident, Nick and the train set... I could go on.

Not enough dirty water has passed under the bridge yet but I will keep my options open regarding this understandable interest in my song.

Charles.

It's Only Rock and Roll but I'm quite fond of it.

Okay Chas, I'll try and remember to call you Charles in future.

If you don't want to do this blog that's fine. I only started it really because I got a letter from someone who worked in Taylor Rice, you know the agancy who used to get us work, saying that some advertising company wanted to use one of our songs for a commercial. But I guess if your not interested about the band any more I'll just tell them no.

It was nice talking to you anyway.

Yours in music

Derek.

Hello Goodbye

Derek,
I am trying to explain as insensitively as I can that I have no wish to participate in this blog nor indeed meet up with any former members of the band! As for Nigel - I will not go into what part of his body I would like to damage, but it is not his wrist. Good luck with the GCSE Maths - but (although it would seem to be a prerequisite as a drummer) counting was far from being one of your strong points.



Charles (not "Chas" - if you don't mind!)

Those Were The Days

Hi Chas

I knew you'd be up for it. It's exciting isn't it, doing a blog together. Just like the old days. I see that you are still good with words and I detected a couple of Beatle references in your reply. By the way, I'm not a paperback writer - I'm a teaching assistant now. When I pass my maths GCSE I'll be able to enrol on a proper teaching course and hopefully become a teacher.

I wonder what happened to Nigel. Do you remember that gig in Swansea when he fell off the stage and broke his wrist?

Happy days, eh?

Yours in music

Derek.

From Me To You

Derek!

Unfortunately I got your email and had a look at the blog. All I can say is help! We've been down this long and winding road regarding reunions before, why can't you just quietly continue your profession as a paperback writer and let it be. You know my feelings about revisiting those days and there are just too many unresolved issues : Pam, Eleanor, Madonna, Lucy to name but a few. You always said we can work it out and get back to those heady days of yesterday, I don't think we can come together just like that.

I am very pleased to hear that you have given up the drums, as I advised as soon as we met, but I am dismayed that you are considering any other musical instrument - what about DIY or car mechanics as a hobby instead - the world would be a better place and your mistakes would only impact upon you. I have heard nothing from the rest of the band and hope it stays like that.

You would have to hold a revolver to my head to make me participate in this so please, please me and let it drop. Don't let me down.

Chas.

I Know You're There

Hi Chas,
Yes, I know you're there. I got your email address from Ernie. Do you remember him? He used to work at the Dive Bar. Where we played in the early days. Anyway I met him when I was buying some new strings in that new guitar shop on the High Street. I don't know if you've been over this way recently - but there's a new guitar shop on the High Street. Anyway, I've taken up playing the guitar. I'd gone about as far as I could go on the drums. Also there's the neighbours to consider. Well, I was buying some strings. Some D'Addarios. They're very good. I get them on the internet. And there was Ernie. Large as life. Well, almost that large. And he gave me your address. So. What have you been up to? I've got some other news too. So hurry up and reply.

Your pal

Derek.

Getting It Together, Man

Hi, Chas. I thought it would be brilliant to get a blog together of the old band. What do you think? I don't know any of their emails. I don't even know if they're still alive to be frank. Although I'm not Frank. I'm Derek. yes, still the comedian in the band. I've used our original name for the Blog as Blogger wouldn't let me use Blizzard, as we latterly came to be known. I guess there must be another band with that name. Anyway, let me know what you think. I don't suppose you have any of the old tapes we made?