To Know, Know, Know Her...

Chas!

I have to call you that as I can’t get used to Charles. My ex- wife had a poodle called Charles that used to climb into bed with us. Then one morning, well I was half asleep… anyway best not go into that now. Talking of my ex – you may remember her. Her name is Brenda but I don’t remember her ever being called The Blower! And I don’t know what you mean when you say the band “knew” her. She was a one-guy woman. And you never had a scene with her! You wish!

The champagne is proper champagne and hasn’t got anything to do with radishes. I’ve emailed the company and they’re going to send us a crate. They make it in Norfolk. It sounds great.

I thought you had the master tapes. If not we’ll have to try and trace that Phil guy. I agree he was a complete tosser. Last I heard he was in prison for shooting his girlfriend. And, by the way, we both wrote Pink Dog. I remember it well. It was after that gig in Wales somewhere. The one where you had to go the A and E. We were visiting you in hospital the next day and had to help you to the toilet. I had my notebook and we wrote the lyrics then. Stinky Bog it was originally. But we changed it to Pink Dog. You must remember.

If we can’t find the tapes I guess we could re-record it. Maybe you could try and find the Phil guy and also have a word with your agent. He might know what to do. And we must track down the rest of the band.

Isn't it fantastic being in contact again after all these years?

Be cool

Derek

A Day in the Lift

Derek

With regard to the Pink Kangaroo drink or whatever it is to be called - do we really want to be associated with what sounds to be a non-starter? Radish Flavoured? JEEEEZUZ.
Also which lyrics are they planning to change - I hope it's not my line about "10,000 dogs in Bradford Yorkshire" - a bit of a double edged classic I do believe! In reference to that, the blonde girl I used to "knock around with" as you put it, in fact went to work for Kleinstein so it could have been her you were talking to! I am surprised that you got the impression that she was "a bit of a goer" as you so delicately phrased it - she told me that she "batted for the other side" and was not interested in men. I had much more luck with Brenda The Blower - you remember you used to write poems to her and as I remember was pretty smitten by her - ask the others, they all knew her quite well!


Shall we just drop the harmonica thing - I still have a nasty taste in my mouth about that incident.


Anyway what's the next move with the song and more importantly what about the money? Have you heard from any of the others? Hopefully not. On thinking about it, I am sure the master tapes were left with that Producer guy Phil something - you know - he was the one that kept on trying to get all his mates and girlfriends into the studio (at our expense) to bang tambourines, triangles, trays and teapots and do backing vocals. He was always trying to convince us that we needed a big sound. I remember the fiasco when he tried to get us to record with his entourage at that shopping centre - "Mall of Sound" - my foot! The Hammond organ got stuck in the lift and every two minutes there'd be Security to Level 4 please... or somesuch announcement. Anyway I am sure he had the master tapes and indeed the Peruvian Nose Flute and the 17-stringed Gourd that we used in ground breaking fashion on that very song Pink Dog, which I actually think was one of my best solo efforts..

Yours in music and royalties,
Charles.

The Hair of the Dog

Hi Chas… er, I mean Charles. Well actually they’re interested in Pink Dog, which you and I co-wrote. They want to change the words though. It’s for a non-alcoholic champagne called Radish. Or Kangaroo. Or maybe it's pink something... that would make sense. Actually I’ve forgotten. I’ve got the email somewhere.

I called Mr Kleinstein but his secretary wasn’t very bright. I tried to explain who I was but she said Mr Kleinstein had never heard of me, which isn't true. I think there was a party going on. Lots of people were laughing in the background.

I said I was sorry about the mouth harp incident. The bowl had been cleaned out since Trevor died. And I thought water improved a mouth harp's tone.

BTW Whatever happened to that blond bird you used to knock around with. The one with the big... well... you know. She was a goer wasn't she?

Give me a ring. I’m still at the old place.

Derek.